In A NutshellXXXIV

In a Nutshell

A place set aside to answer 201 autobiographical questions
from a mother for her daughter. This may take awhile...join us if you like.

34. I wanted this person to be my friend but the feeling was not mutual

Gee, have I ever liked someone who didn't like me? And is that a totally crazy question? Here I am having an argument between my Inner Nun, who believes in modesty and self-effacement, and whom I have pretty well starved to death in the decades since I escaped from St. Mary's, and my Inner Star, who is completely convinced that Daddy was wrong and people are impressed because I'm me, red haired, brown eyed, smart, funny, and cute as a button.

I mean, I know there have been people who haven't liked me. Some people would prefer females to be less full of themselves and have less of a raucous sense of humor and perhaps have actually married the fathers of their children rather than a good friend. And I probably have traits that have nothing to do with feminism at all, traits a person would find offensive in a member of either gender, that don't endear me to a goodly part of the population. I have been told that I use too many words that are too big and have an opinion on everything, both of which traits I willingly admit to and both of which could certainly be off putting. But, have I ever liked anyone who would be put off by them?

I mean, in all honesty, this is a real puzzle. I remember reading and agreeing with Ayn Rand, I think in Atlas Shrugged that when I find out someone likes me, it doesn't make me think better of myself, but of them (that they have the taste and sense and, perhaps, even courage, to like me) and the logical corollary to that would be that when I find out that someone dislikes me, it doesn't reduce me in my own eyes, but rather them. I remember that the girl who told me, in my junior year of high school, that I would attract more boys if I didn't use such big words, immediately dropped in my estimation. (Even though she had been trying to help.)

And when I was working with parents in crises, many of them hadn't finished high school, but one of the things they would tell my boss when the grantor was evaluating our work, was that I was even more friendly and helpful than I was smart. So, obviously, people don't automatically dislike people with brains.

I have said, "and I thought s/he was my friend!" but it wasn't about discovering that someone didn't like me, but rather that someone had done something to hurt me.

Well, maybe I liked someone who I thought liked me when they didn't. That is more than possible. But, if I did, I still don't know it.